Having recently fully emerged from the closet many have felt the need to remind me of the Church's position in regards to homosexuality. One particular friend, who also happens to be a Bishop, reminded me that the Church has no problem with homosexuality so far as one does not "act" upon their "attractions". Hello -- can't they understand how ludicrous that concept is. I wanted to know how he would feel if I asked him to refrain from any intimate contact with his wife for the rest of his life. He had no answer. I remember sitting as a green (new) missionary in a non-members home teaching them the plan of salvation. The topic of eternal marriage was brought up and my companion made the comment that he could not imagine a God who would allow his children to develop such an intimate love as you find within the marital bonds and then expect them to abandon that relationship upon their death. Why is it that "they" expect us to live a life without that intimacy, and preach that our relationships will end at death because of our orientation. Seriously what kind of a God would this be? There is so much more to the infinite concept of homosexuality than our finite minds can comprehend. While we await this comprehension too many remain lonely without love. I can not believe this is what God wants for his Gay Children, my heart tells my the opposite is true. . . Besides I'm feeling somewhat lonely this Christmas Season, I guess it's the Post coming out, Dad dying, prechristmas Funk?
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
A good friend of mine was going through some rough times and after crying on my shoulder for a day or two he made the following comment, "I've spend a day or two in tears, now it's time to dry my eyes, see the good in the world, and go help someone before I become so consumed with pain and anger that I allow it to take over".
I've been perusing my archive and Dang, the posts have gone down "Funk" lane the past few days. Sorry bout that folks! But what do ya do when you've got all this stuff building inside and there's no place to go? You write about the feelings in your blog. It's a safe venue, the computer screen can't argue with you and tell you that what your feeling has no value. The keys you punch don't argue back, they don't try to get you to see things "their way", they merely allow you to express your thoughts, emotions, and/ or feelings. On the other hand it cannot express any emotion, this thing of plastic, silicon, and steel referred to as a computer has not the ability to give you a hug, tell you your loved, or help convince you that your OK. There are human beings somewhere out there in this cyber-space we refer to as "The Web" who read the things we write and reply with love and concern. To them, Keep it up! Many people have no venue outside of this cyber world or blogoshpere to express themselves and discuss their homosexuality, they need the words of encouragement offered here. People need to understand they are not alone. And dang, this road we are on does at times seem a lonely one. Pulling from the words of a famous author, We have indeed "Chosen The Path Less Traveled. . ."
I knew this was going to be a hard week, but I had no idea how difficult it would in reality be. Things have been fairly strained over the last few years with my family anyway and this has been the icing on the cake as far as many of them are concerned. In their minds, my coming out has proven to them that there were right all along. Thank the heaven's above for reactions like that of my younger bro, he has made the rest hurt a little less. A couple of years ago I began expressing my concerns with the church and some of it's policies. I was not one to rant and rave but for example when my bros and my father were discussing "Homo's" and how they were responsible for the degradation, and or degeneration in our world, and how the "Homos" were going to be responsible for society's downfall if we allow them to continue in their path. . ., I began expressing my concerns with their philosophy and lack of charitable thoughts. I had not as of yet come out, but I knew what they were doing was not right and could no longer keep silent. My family was not pleased with this "New Way of Thinking" and began to warn me of the dangers of questioning the Brethren. From this point on things began to change, family members began pulling away while at the same time pushing me away. My twin brothers wife made the comment to another sister in law that her top priority was the safety of her children and that she would do anything to protect them, even if it meant removing me from their lives . "Protect them from what?" I wondered, as if they thought I was some kind of predator because some of my views differed from their own. Why is it that many so-called Christians have this fear of allowing their kids to associate with anyone who has opinions which may differ from their own. They claim to live the life of Christ and then shout and scream out of anger and bitterness bourne of ignorance. Keep in mind I am referring to my Twin Brother, my other half. If there are any twins out there you know what I am talking about when I refer to the "twin bond". There is a connection that can't be explained. When I was living in Hawaii and he was here in Utah he would always know when I was having a hard time and visa versa. Inevitably I would get a phone call when the day had dumped on me, when I had spent the day in the ER I never had to call and let them know there had been an accident for he already knew and was tracking me down before I had the chance to call. I aways knew that his wife was with child long before they announced it. After moving back to Utah I sat at their dinner table more than at my own. If I missed an evening meal the kids were on the phone wanting to know where I was and why I hadn't come for dinner. In other words, at one time I Was Loved as a family member, until I "started to change" as they put it.
Hold on hold out, keep a hold on strong
The money's in and the bets are down
You won't hold out long
They say you'll fall in no time at all
But you know they're wrong
Known it all along
Hold on hold out, keep a hold on still
If you don't see what your love is worth
No one ever will
You've done your time on the bottom line
And it ain't no thrill
There's got to be something more
Keep a hold on still
You know what it is you're waiting for
Now you just hold on
Hold on hold out, hold on
Give up your heart and you lose your way
Trusting another to feel that way
Give up your heart and you find yourself
Living for something in somebody else
Sometimes you wonder what happens to love
Sometimes the touch of a friend is enough
Hold a place for the human race
Keep it open wide
Give it time to fall or climb
But let the time decide
Sometimes you wonder what's in this for you
But you wait, and you see
'Cause it's all you can do
Just to hold on
Hold on hold out, hold on
For the countless souls beaten by their goals
Keep a hold on now
And the ones betrayed by the deals they made
Keep a hold on
If you hold your ground it'll turn around
Keep a hold somehow
Hold on hold out, keep a hold on tight
Tonight's the night
Wake up and turn on the light
You fight, and you're right...
It's gonna take all your might...
You're a hold out
Well I'm a hold out too
But it took me all this time to figure out
Something you already knew
Will love be true? Can it pull you through?
How long? How strong?
Somethings depend on you
See... I always figured I was going to meet somebody here
and I don't know why
Why should love come down and suddenly just sweep me away
I want to fly
But there are so many things in my way
I guess you wouldn't know unless I told you
I love you
Well just look at yourself...
What else would I do?