Monday, November 30, 2009

The Carousel Ride

I wrote the following poem as a young teenager. At the time I knew where my feelings lie but was in complete denial of my sexual orientation. I saw my brothers and felt they were the lucky ones and wanted to be more like them, I felt alone and was letting life pass me by. I now feeling that coming out is like learning to enjoy the carousel ride rather than merely being stuck on it. Once you are out and able to accept who you are one can truly begin to enjoy what life has to offer. I now see the beauty and am continually learning to enjoy this ride called life. As this week progresses I hope that as my family learns about me they are able to recognize that the positive changes they have recently seen in me come because I have finally accepted who I am, regardless I will continue to enjoy the ride.

The Grand ol Carousel

The world is like a giant carousel turning round and round each day.
Creatures sit high upon it's back going round while up and down.
These may be made of wood or stone, it really matters not.
For both look alike to the untrained eye as they whirl by and by.
If you ask each horse what it feels like to be on this carousel
It might amaze you what they say as they go around in flight.
Some will say life is great, you get to ride for free.
While others say it is hard to face each dawning day.
Some will talk of the wind they feel as they as they gently glide around.
While others feel that going up and down has spent their day in waste.
This one see's the ride as hell, unbarable each day.
And then there's he who rides and looks with eyes wide as can be.
To see the flowers and the tree's with each new turn about.
He see's each blade of grass and thinks This one is real grand
It was not here last time around, it must have grown so fast.
He views the world as his training ground, a grand ol place it is.
God must love him to give him such a life.
This guy see's his brothers, in front and back behind.
Each one painted differently so gallant so divine.
He wonders what he might look like, and feels he must be nice.
For God made him just like the rest, each a beautiful sight.
And then there's he who cannot see himself as pretty as the rest
The others look so happy there, He must have been made with haste
To be so sad and miserable He cannot be like them
He must be the only one whose paint has faded so
Why cannot he be like the rest, beautiful and happy too?
Why is he the only one that goes up and down with haste.
The others move higher than he, or perhaps they move not at all.
Oh yes, they are the lucky ones, to sit firmly planted in their base.

Why oh why could he not be them instead of who he was.
For a moment let Us turn unto the one who made this magical thing.
He must have thought how nice it was to sit and watch each horse
As they moved round on this carousel, His greatest creation yet.
He must be proud of each great horse as they pass by His own view.
The love that went into each one still flowed throughout his soul.
Each one different from the rest, yet somehow still the same.
He hears the horse that cries out loud, saying life is hard, unbearable
Sadly this one somehow misses His creator sitting high upon the hill.
He is so caught up with his woes he cannot see past this carousel
He cannot see the beauty that God placed everywhere.
He knows not the reason he goes round and round...
It is so that he can see the world, all there is see.
The horse that sees this ride as wonderful thanks his master dear
He understands that He was placed carefully, in the spot that was the best.
To show him all that He had made, the creator placed him in it's midst.
He shared with him this mighty sight how lucky could he be!
Finally the day came nigh when the ride stood still
it would not move again.
The creator took each horse and showed them to themselves.
They ooh'd and awe'd as they realized each one was the best.
The one who thought he was so bleak turned out to be the grandest of them all
Yet somehow as he gazed upon himself a sorry sight he saw
What had he missed? And then he realized, He would never know.
The others spoke forever of the sights they saw each day.
They gave thanks and gratitude to the creator of it all
For allowing Them the chance to ride, this grand old carousel.
And now he realizes that joy has passed him by.
He will never get the chance again to ride the carousel

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