Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Unwelcome and Unwanted

A fellow MOHO made the comment on FB today that he feels Unwelcome and Unwanted. Ever feel those sentiments? As I mentioned in my last post this has been an up and down journey much like riding a high speed roller coaster. I am sorry that he is made to feel that way when he is such a fine young man. Finding your place within the gay community can be a difficult thing. Granted there are many ready and willing to help when it is needed but it is still difficult finding a place were you fit in, a place which feels like home. I can only speak for myself, but I imagine it is similar for most of you out there, when I say that loneliness often haunts the recently out of the closet gay man. I can't speak for you seasoned outers for I have not been there yet.

I have noticed a pattern as of late when it comes to my making new friends within the gay community, a pattern which I do not necessarily like and am at odds as to how to change it. This past year has been spent going new places, trying new things, meeting new people, and striving to ignite new friendships with people whom I feel a kinship. I have sought out people who seem to have the same standards I hold dear, people who for one reason or another you just Like right from the beginning. I know making friends takes time, but dang it gets lonely out there. I have often been referred to as a social butterfly flittering here and there constantly on the go with this friend and that. As I have mentioned in previous posts my social life has been completely turned upside down since coming out, even those friends who seem to accept my being gay have changed, though they profess support, the invitations have all but ceased and when I stop by to see them there is a rift that was not present prior to my coming out.

One of these days I will discover what it is I am doing to put people off, I often wonder if perhaps I come on too strong, or maybe seem to needy, or possibly, I am just weird? (hopefully the later is not the case but I do need to consider all possibilities) It is hard losing your friends and family without new ones to take their place. I have met some fantastic new friends yet have not been able to find "my place" yet. This has been a fantastic year! And perhaps the upcoming year will bring with it more opportunities to grow and eventually find my niche in this crazy yet wonderful gay community.

1 comment:

  1. I like your last paragraph...I wonder the same thing about myself sometimes :)