Thursday, February 18, 2010

Finding The Right Diamond part 1

Before buying my first diamond I went to the Library and spent a fair amount of time researching diamonds. I then met with a gemologist to get his input on how to find the right diamond, what to look for, and how NOT to be deceived. Good diamonds are expensive and I wanted to insure myself that I was buying the right diamond, that I was not wasting my money on a fake, a forgery, or on a low grade diamond of a value that did not match it's claim. Before embarking upon my research I had gone to a few diamond stores in search of "The Ring", what I discovered was a bunch of men who were out to sell a diamond, they did not care about me nor did they care about the time and effort I had put into earning the money I was about to spend, they merely cared about the "Money" they were going to make off my purchase. It seemed that they were pushing lower grade diamonds that cost them less money at a higher price in order to escalate their profit margin. I was tired of their outward appearance and claims of truth and honesty when their inner soul was full of nothing but greed even at the cost of deception. They were so full of hunger for money that they lied like a closeted gay moho trying to hide his true identity from his family, church and friends. Sorry for the analogy but often a closeted gay moho will do anything to keep these people from discovering the truth. How do I know this? Been there done that as have many of you. Anyway back to the diamond story. I wanted to find an honest salesman but knew that unless I had some connexions, there would be no way of knowing for sure if I could trust the man before me. Therefore I must go in armed with the knowledge and understanding necessary in order to make a wise investment. So I educated myself, found an establishment which was known for selling product at a fair price and went in for the purchase. In the end I came out with a great diamond of good value at a more than fair price.

I have discovered that shopping for Mr Right, IE dating, has quite a bit in common with the diamond shopping game. Recently I have exited a number of Jewelry Stores, metaphorically speaking of course, totally and completely bewildered with what the shop keepers are trying to peddle. I am at odds with the lack of moral standard within the gay community. (OK so it's not just the gay community but that is what I am currently dealing with) Don't get me wrong I am not trying to claim the better than thou, self righteous piety, in your face, your a bad person, everybody be a prude type of thing. I merely want to find someone who respects themselves enough to set limits and adhere to them. Well, at least try to adhere to them, we are all human and fall short of our self imposed standards at times. No problem with that, but when SEX becomes the only object of focus and one is willing to do anything IE lie, cheat, betray friends, etc, in order to fulfill their selfish lusts then that individual has lost the very part of his soul which differentiates us from the beasts. Believe me folks my lusts, my sex drive, my desire to have my desires fulfilled, are as strong as any. Yet this voice deep within tells me that lines have to be drawn, that there are certain things which should be shared only within and under the right circumstance with the right person. It is up to each individual to conclude what and where those lines need be drawn. Why should we as gay men be any different when it comes to standards? Granted the whole sex thing is different when one is gay in our culture. For the str8 man is told to hold to his purity and then one day he will marry and share this part of his life with his wife. He has something to look forward to during his sexually explosive moments when he just wants to get his rocks off. For if he/she refrains he/she may reserve something dear for his/her partner to be. As Gay Mormon Men we are told that we will not have the opportunity to share in this experience during this lifetime, that we must remain celibate and faithful to the end. Within the gay community marriage is not an option to be extended at this time. therefore many say what the hell why not do whatever, whenever, wherever? I do not believe that God desires to withhold this part of life from us, but I do believe that he expects us to hold to certain standards. Exactly what those standard are I am not yet sure but I do adhere to the idea that Promiscuity is not the answer.

Recently I have discovered that one who I looked upon as a true friend has merely been using me to get what he wants. This person has walked over, and through me in order to get to the people who would fulfill his needs. He has used me to try to get to my friends who he "Wants" bad. I have some great friends who I enjoy spending time with. They are full of life and accept me for who and what I am. (And they do not chastise me for doing things such as buying a motorcycle) They think it's awesome that I am going skydiving. They have not forgotten that life is fun and can be full of excitement. I have a great love and respect for these individuals. I am at awe that my friend would try to use me to get to these people when he has nothing in mind other than fulfilling his SEXual lusts, he doesn't care who he hurts along the way so long as he gets what he wants. He is totally pissed at me right now because I refuse to introduce him to my friends. What kind of a person would I be if I set a predator free amongst my friends.

I know I am rambling, the ramblings of a crazed gay MoHo, but these issues have become quite serious to me. I am witnessing the results of some of my friends who are living a dual life, which by so doing contributes to a life of unbridled passion. For much like a pressure cooker when the heat is on and the steam is building the pot will explode if not for the pressure release valve. So I have seen with many of my friends still trying to hide in the closet, the pressure builds until the pot is ready to explode and great will be the explosion thereof sending shards and shrapnel into all within it's path. I believe my friend has so much built up pressure inside that he can no longer contain it and he is in the process of exploding. I believe that in a way coming out is like opening the release valve and allowing the pot to breathe. This is only one of the many reasons I have become an advocate of coming out of the closet.

If I am searching for a diamond of value to share my life then should I not take effort to keep mine own polished and chip free in order to offer another a diamond of value rather than a worn out, chipped piece of garbage which holds no value. Once again I am not suggesting that sex has no place in the dating world, I get just as excited and turned on as the next guy. But seriously folks can't we show some restraint. I find myself wondering how many people feel as I do on the matter or am I merely a prude. I do not agree with the "Evergreen" philosophy but then neither do I agree with the "anything goes" way of thinking. There has got to be a happy middle ground. It is obvious from some of my recent posts that this matter has been on my mind as of late.

This ranting Gay Mormon has gone on long enough so I will end this post, for now anyway! Next post I will return to the diamond analogy.


  1. It's unfortunate that you had to experience what you did, but I can guarantee you that sex is also a big part of the straight man existence too. They are just balanced out by feminine restraint from the women.

  2. Good point "other species", I guess my naive eyes are being opened to the world in which we live. This MoHO has not yet found the balance betwen the Mo and the Ho. And some of what I am seeing and experiencing is coming as rather a shock.

  3. " I find myself wondering how many people feel as I do on the matter or am I merely a prude."

    well honestly I was about to give up on my standards but a few weeks ago something happend and I figured I'd rather live a life I could be proud of then giving into things that only give instant gratification... so I know it's hard and I'm sure I'll screw up but thats where I'm at, at the moment...

    so if it makes you feel any better that makes 2 of us?

    but that is a good topic thats something I've been wanting to talk about / discuss on my blog... STANDARDS... hmmmm

  4. Good post, and I agree with most of it. I think a lot of guys just coming out (even mohos) go through a "slut phase" so I try not to judge them too harshly. But at the same time it's very tiring...I've moved on from that when it seems like no one else has, and I'm looking for emotional commitment while many others are just looking for physical fulfillment. It kinda sucks when my friends who are "trying to do the right thing" with the church are getting more action than I am :)