Thursday, January 7, 2010

Naivete of a young man

It's been almost a month and my nephew, who by the way is 22 and almost like a son, has not spoken a word to me. I have tried calling him but he won't answer his phone, he won't reply to FB messages or texts so I guess it 's time to back off and give the kid the time he needs. I sat my nephew down a few months back and told him that the day was soon approaching when his love for Uncle Rich would be tested. He laughed and told me that his love for me was complete, that it would withstand anything. I inwardly smiled at the naivete of a recently returned missionary, and told him I hoped that was true but time would tell. I think I have dealt at least OK with most of the crap from the family but this kids reactions are like stabbing a knife through my heart, it hurts! I guess in a way it's also my love for him that is being tested. I hope the day never comes in the which he finds out know much pain he has caused his uncle. If I have to face reality I will probably never fully understand the pain and confusion I have brought into his young life either. Too bad this is what Religion has brought into the picture. Things would be different should we truly understand who Christ is and What he taught.

Christmas morning I drove to my Twins home and dropped off the family's gifts. While I was there his wife sat on the floor near the Christmas tree, turned her back to me and sat the entire time I was there (a whoppin 5 minutes) with nay a word leaving her mouth. If you have ever driven down a country road on a hot day and have seen the hot air rising from the road you could imagine what I saw as I looked at her BACK. The Hate was rising from her like the heat vapors from the hot asphalt. My brother accuses me of creating a situation that has brought hardship and pain to his children. I have tried to explain to him that his children will react in accordance to how they see their parents act and that if they have their kids best interest at heart they will show their kids true examples of love and Christianity. I tried to help him see how his wife's hateful response is affecting the kids, but alas to no avail.

I'm not sure what to do next, but I feel the best action might be no action. I have put the ball in their court now I think I need to pull back and let them come to me if they so chose. If they chose not to, well then I guess it's a few more tears then Accept it and move on. . .


  1. This was a really hard post to read. This is one of my greatest fears. I hope things work themselves out.

  2. I'm really sorry to hear this.

    I like Dan Savage's advice on coming out to religious conservatives. He says to give them a year. In that year they get to freak out, shun you, yell, blame, ask inappropriate questions, whatever. You handle it all with patience and love. At the end of that year, you raise the bar and make it clear that the future of your relationship depends on how they treat you.

    I think things will get better over time, as long as you keep talking to your family. When the situation with your brother and his wife clear up, things might get better with your nephew.

    Best of luck to you.